Silent. This is how I have always been since when I was younger. I have always been silent about how I feel. About how I truly feel. There are things I can express. Like how I hate the way my hair looks that day, or if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Or if I’m too bored to listen to hours and hours of lectures which cost so much that I would regret not understanding later on. These are shallow rants, meaningless emotions. These are not feelings. They are simply situations that need our reactions or responses. For me, these are the simple things that people define us with. People from the outside of the circle. When in truth, the way we react to things are only the symptoms of our raw feelings. High school came and I found people who accepted the character I have. Although I still don’t tell my friends how I feel, I learned to share some things with them. And the thing is, they listen. That’s enough for me, and enough for them to understand and figure out how I am inside.
But, what about being silent? Is it so wrong to keep everything in and digest the rage or happiness on our own? Ha. I know what you’re thinking. That maybe I am the introverted kid who sits alone in the corner in every single one of her classes because she doesn’t have friends. Poor kid. But, that isn’t exactly who I am. Introvert, yes. Maybe. But, loner? I don’t think so. I go along with people; I chat and laugh and have fun. And then college happened. I don’t seem to be good at starting anew. Especially with making new friends. Everyone seems to have a different sense of ‘fun’ from the one I know. Every time, I try to adjust myself to be in the group without totally giving up who I am as a person. But, it just doesn’t click. Sometimes, when you keep trying and then you keep on failing, it gets tiring. So I started to be silent about my emotions. Again.
I guess, I’d have to stop right here for now. I think you’ve pretty much figured how I feel at this point. So, I’ll just get back when I get better. If you’re still reading me, thank you. You’ve listened to my spiel and that’s enough for me. Thanks.