Yes, I am one of those who waited for him to come back after a year. Waited for the date and time. And then the clock ticks and he posts his two very beautiful gifts to us Sheerios! Yay! I listened to the Castle on the Hill first and to be completely honest, I was smiling like crazy the whole time I was listening to it. Deep down I know the song’s going to sound sad and nostalgic after a few replay but right then I was just happy to hear it. I was enjoying it’s beat and calm embrace to my mood. The wait and anticipation has made me ecstatic to hear the first play of the music
Castle on the Hill reminds me of the friends I had since when I was young and naive. Those were the people who welcomed me to be part of their circle even though we had nothing better to do but be together. Those friends from my childhood and teenage years saw me despite me being quite the ‘invisible’ girl in class. And even though I’ve only kept in touch to one or two of my elementary friends, I will always remember the moments that we played and tagged along each other, because they were happy moments. And to those friends I met in highschool, we still meet from time to time to catch up, because they will always deserve a space in my life. Castle on the Hill makes you remember both good and bad parts of your early years; as long as it’s with friends, those were memorable and meaningful happenings. It tells you that it doesn’t matter how much time we’ve wasted or used for nothing, because everything and everyone took part of what made you who you are today. And after all, no matter how far the travel is, we all still can’t wait to go home and revisit the wonderfultimes.
When you get tired, look back on what makes You who You are today.
In less than one week from now, I am turning 20 years old. I honestly can’t believe it myself. I. Am. Turning. 20. Yesterday, I was only so excited to be 18, but now, I want to be five again.
They say aging is nothing compared to actually living with the responsibilities of adulthood. Age is just a number. Maturity is not inversely proportional to our age. For me, right now, my age is the greatest symbol of fear. It tells me a lot about how I should live my life. Technically, physically, emotionally. I have all these people around me telling me what and what not to do. There are so much to think about. For my present and for my future. All these and those. When you’re 19 and people lecture you about how your decisions now will affect the next days to come, how are you supposed to be calm and relaxed? What if I mess it up? What if I make the wrong choices? What if?
To be honest, I am scared. I am turning 20 and it scares me. Am I ready to take on the future? These days, I am only applying for an internship position as a requirement for completion of the curriculum of my program; but, I’m already worked up about it.
I am aware that this is the part where my “life begins” as they say. I am excited, too, but mostly I am scared.
Some kids my age are living the life of a real youngster. Hanging out on Friday and Saturday nights. They date and get to know other people or just go out with friends. I hang out with my friends, too. I don’t date. I have never dated anyone. I haven’t really thought about it, yet. I know soon I would want to, but I don’t think it’s going to be anytime soon until I graduate. Industrial Engineering is complicated enough to be committed with.
Don’t get me wrong, I am hyped about doing the best that I can to achieve success and happiness. I love life! I am just scared what else it holds for me. As I walk along this journey, I try my best to magnify the things in life that will matter more and most to live a happy life. And with that, it’s impossible not to see things that’ll make it difficult for me to achieve such contentment. So, give it to me that I have fears too, but I will keep my faith in the Higher Being, Lord.
A lot of changes happen in one year. What more in three years? My 16 year-old self was at the point of adjustments. I was starting college and didn’t know what else to expect besides drastic changes.
It was the first time for me to be the new kid in school. I know we all don’t know anybody in first year of college, but that was completely an alien feeling for me. I never changed school since I was 5. I don’t know how to be friendly without sounding desperate for a company. I was a shy kid and trying to talk to another human being scares the fetus in me. What if they don’t like me? What if the other kids still think like a high school brat and won’t even bother to socialize with socially-impaired babies like me? For three days, I was tip-toeing around campus like I’m in a foreign country that speaks a foreign language. I must admit, I probably looked pathetic on my first week in Engineering.
Well luckily, those “me times” didn’t last too long. Thank heavens! Although, I was still the quiet kid in the group who says only a few things when there’s a chance. Back in high school, I was the same person. I don’t talk much in the group but I listen. I brought that person to college. Days go by and every minute I spend with my friends lets me know who they are. Not just as blockmates, but as friends.
I learned how to trust, although I would have to say that up to now I still don’t tell my friends everything I feel. But, that’s not because they don’t listen to me like how I do to them. It’s me who won’t allow myself to speak. A lot of changes happen in one year, but if there’s anything that has not changed with me, it’s that I don’t trust my emotions to anyone.
My 16 year-old self was a lot happier, and then the same year we lost my father. I’m still happy right now but I think three years ago, I was a happier person. Each day since that day we lost him, I believe I got stronger. I knew I needed to be strong because those things happen.
This quote says it all for me.
Change comes by force, but we are given options. It’s still our choice how different things are going to be.
Growing up, I was realizing that my father was a very quiet person. Having the little conversations with him didn’t make me know him deeply. It was the stories my mom would tell me about at the early ages of their marriage that made me see the kind of person he is. My dad wasn’t very expressive, which is a trait I kind of got from him. I was less of a talker among my friends. But even though he wasn’t much of a mushy guy, I could totally tell how much he loved my mother. And that was all that mattered to me. My father loved us deep in his heart. You can tell in the way his eyes looked at you. He was always present in our special days.
I am not the best child nor can I be a candidate for that award and I’m not proud of it. But my father was my father because of God’s reasons, and I guess, I am understanding why.
Daddy, I know you’re in a better place right now. And I know you’re still keeping your eyes on us. Thank You!
I don’t know how to swim. I’m from a tropical country and you assume that all the people here love the water. I do, actually, it just doesn’t give me the assurance I won’t drown in it every time I get in for a dip. I told you in my other post that i’m short and I guess that’s one reason why I’m scared of the water. I can only go until chin deep-level. I still love summer though; the thought of it makes me happy. Although the sun is terribly searing even at such an early hour these days, it still means hanging out with family and friends.
I tried learning from the few tips and encouragements from my uncle but I just can’t help panicking. But, maybe I’m not yet hopeless about this. I still have two weeks break after my classes and summer next year, and the one after that.