I have only heard it a couple of times, that some days you’ll just wake up and want to cry. Today’s the first for me. Maybe a part of it is because of the weather; the cold wind could be bringing such weird emotions. I have been frustrated the past months about academics, with all the pressure that’s surfacing around the air. I got over it, or so I thought, during the holidays. I was able to take a step back and just relax for a while. During those times I was able to reflect of what I’ve been doing lately, both in the academics and my involvements in school. Having listed in my head those realizations, I have found things I am proud of, while there are some that I just need to move on from. That was my thought a month ago, before school started the second semester.
Now I am here, back to step 1. Confronting my down sides and enumerating my faults. I didn’t know I could be so frustrating. I woke up this morning and just felt like I needed to cry. I attended my only class for the day and we were dismissed an hour earlier. I found the chance to quickly run the errands for the activity we’re holding for tomorrow. I was still feeling down so I just decided to attend the 12 noon mass in our school chapel, and also because I have the time anyway. It’s funny because every time I go there, I always have these questions to ask to Him. I had 10 minutes before the mass started so I wrote them, my questions. About everything I wanted an answer with. Then the mass started. I stopped writing and just listened, in hopes of hearing what I need to hear, whatever it may be. And in some ways, I guess I’ve got an answer.
Maybe He made it possible that I had an early off from class just so I could attend the mass and hear the words that I need to understand. Today I was reminded of the things I have already learned before but forgotten, all because I’m being so hard on myself. The thing about our frustrations in life is that we are the only answer to it. We are the only ones capable to cure ourselves. I wouldn’t say it’s easy. I wouldn’t say there’s fast way to it. But, we are and our will to change our perspective are the answer.
You can make time for the things you want in life. No matter how difficult it may seem to find some space in your schedule, you will be able to squeeze in a few minutes for what you love. Really. Sometimes it’s almost impossible, but I think when you truly truly want something, you can because you will make some time.
This is what I realized for the past days. I have been working on my thesis and I started to realize I haven’t given much time for the org which I signed up for at the start of the semester. It’s never easy to balance things on your hands. It’s hard to put some more food on a full plate. But, when you take a step back and really look at what you have, you will realize you can pull down a few portions from your plate and make some space for the other things that also matter. It’s not about priorities anymore. It’s about what things you want to work out with. It’s about holding on to the things you don’t want to lose. It’s about taking responsibility of the things you have to take care of. I mean nothing’s ever easy, so why sacrifice some along the way?
Treasure all the things you want, you need in your life. Don’t let pressure or disappointments or greed come over success and let that ruin the meaning of life.
When you start to become positive, when you start to think you are capable of juggling two or three things between your hands, you will feel even better. Knowing that you’re there making it work instead of losing pieces of you along with the chances you choose not to take care of.
I have never been in a relationship; which is why I am totally clueless about how it feels to say “Yes” to a simple question for the first time in my life. I know it’s easy to say the word but what comes after that is what’s complicated. Who knows about the future anyway? We all make choices and we think we know for sure where we are and what we want until someone questions us. Would you commit to this? Well I thought I wasn’t ready to say yes, but I’m sure I’d not feel good saying ‘no’ either. The thing is, who says know to something beautiful as this?
I’m sorry to disappoint but this is no love story; just something about life and where a simple choice has taken me. I said yes and now, I am a member of this ministry in college — You think you know how things will transpire just because you know the purpose of what you’re doing, but you don’t. Being a member of LSYC, I personally thought it was just going to be my way of giving back all the blessings I received from God and from all the people who’ve been a blessing to me. Well, I thought wrong. Shall I tell you why?
People always say that you can’t give what you don’t have. As part of the ministry’s activities, I was able to spend some time with the kids and I realized something: you can’t have what you don’t give either. If you can’t give love to people, who would love you? If you won’t share your time with others, who would make time for you? I mean you could feel a bit old around a bunch of 6 year olds, but these kids’ smiles tell you something only your heart would recognize. Their innocence lightens us up, but you never realize how much it’ll inspire you until you share yourself to them. You come to them thinking that they need you, not realizing you need them, too. Involving ourselves in such activities have a way of teaching us more than we think we already know about life and God.
Now if you would ask me, where has saying yes taken me? It’s somewhere both the people we serve and I learn something about life, together. I’m not just saying ‘yes’ to helping other people anymore, but I’m also saying ‘yes’ to become a family to a friend.
You come to them thinking that they need you, not realizing you need them, too.