The struggle in what ifs is undeniable; in most instances, what ifs are inevitably bothersome. What makes it even more of a trouble is the fact that it is unavoidable. To some extent, there is no point in trying to leave it out of the situation. What ifs come naturally as if it’s the main character of the story. What a queen.
My question is why? Why is it like that? Why do we question the situation, our options, the results that aren’t even there yet? Is it the lack of confidence? Fear? Or are we simply being realistic about life? That we prepare ourselves to the alternative in the event that whatever it is that we’re hoping for doesn’t happen?
I have only heard it a couple of times, that some days you’ll just wake up and want to cry. Today’s the first for me. Maybe a part of it is because of the weather; the cold wind could be bringing such weird emotions. I have been frustrated the past months about academics, with all the pressure that’s surfacing around the air. I got over it, or so I thought, during the holidays. I was able to take a step back and just relax for a while. During those times I was able to reflect of what I’ve been doing lately, both in the academics and my involvements in school. Having listed in my head those realizations, I have found things I am proud of, while there are some that I just need to move on from. That was my thought a month ago, before school started the second semester.
Now I am here, back to step 1. Confronting my down sides and enumerating my faults. I didn’t know I could be so frustrating. I woke up this morning and just felt like I needed to cry. I attended my only class for the day and we were dismissed an hour earlier. I found the chance to quickly run the errands for the activity we’re holding for tomorrow. I was still feeling down so I just decided to attend the 12 noon mass in our school chapel, and also because I have the time anyway. It’s funny because every time I go there, I always have these questions to ask to Him. I had 10 minutes before the mass started so I wrote them, my questions. About everything I wanted an answer with. Then the mass started. I stopped writing and just listened, in hopes of hearing what I need to hear, whatever it may be. And in some ways, I guess I’ve got an answer.
Maybe He made it possible that I had an early off from class just so I could attend the mass and hear the words that I need to understand. Today I was reminded of the things I have already learned before but forgotten, all because I’m being so hard on myself. The thing about our frustrations in life is that we are the only answer to it. We are the only ones capable to cure ourselves. I wouldn’t say it’s easy. I wouldn’t say there’s fast way to it. But, we are and our will to change our perspective are the answer.
Some people find comfort in music. Some even treat it as companion; as they say, when no one else is there to listen, music makes it easier to stay quiet but still be so loud.
I believe people who are so in love with music feel all different kinds of emotions. Because there’s so much a song can speak; the people who knows how to listen can feel everything the lyrics says. It’s incredibly amazing how the melody expresses what the words convey. It holds so much yet it transpires hundreds of messages to thousands of other people.
Music. Simple, complicated and delicate. Like feelings and moments. It’s ironic how some say they have hard time putting into words how they feel, and then makes music out of it. I guess that’s the magic and beauty of it. Songs allow you to say the things you can never say out directly. You can story-tell as much as you want and still keep bits and pieces to yourself. Making it way more comfortable and pleasant to hear than rants or vents or sighs.
Song. It has no definite meaning. It can have so much story. It all depends on who listens to it.
Be someone’s melody and make your words be its lyrics.
You can make time for the things you want in life. No matter how difficult it may seem to find some space in your schedule, you will be able to squeeze in a few minutes for what you love. Really. Sometimes it’s almost impossible, but I think when you truly truly want something, you can because you will make some time.
This is what I realized for the past days. I have been working on my thesis and I started to realize I haven’t given much time for the org which I signed up for at the start of the semester. It’s never easy to balance things on your hands. It’s hard to put some more food on a full plate. But, when you take a step back and really look at what you have, you will realize you can pull down a few portions from your plate and make some space for the other things that also matter. It’s not about priorities anymore. It’s about what things you want to work out with. It’s about holding on to the things you don’t want to lose. It’s about taking responsibility of the things you have to take care of. I mean nothing’s ever easy, so why sacrifice some along the way?
Treasure all the things you want, you need in your life. Don’t let pressure or disappointments or greed come over success and let that ruin the meaning of life.
When you start to become positive, when you start to think you are capable of juggling two or three things between your hands, you will feel even better. Knowing that you’re there making it work instead of losing pieces of you along with the chances you choose not to take care of.
There is a fact that says a moment has a definite measure of 90 seconds. And in that moment it’s as if Benjamin Mee said to me, “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” I had a moment to think and within those 90 seconds; I took the 20 seconds of courage to say ‘yes’. I know that we all make choices, but all those choices don’t exactly lead us to where we thought we would be. “That is my theory, that these moments of impact define who we are. A moment of impact. A moment of impact has potential for change, has ripple effects far beyond what we can predict.” Leo Collins said this and I believe it.
Life constantly gives us questions. Sometimes, there are no clues to what the answers may be. It’s as if all it wants from us is to take risks. Choose because it’s all or nothing. It’s scary but I think we will always have a moment. That moment when we think it’s time to be brave. When we think it’s time to take action. Those moments will come. Whether we’re ready or not for that ripple effect that will take us far beyond our own limits. There are no boundaries to life. There are only fears. Until we learn how to swim against the ever changing wave of life, we’re not coming up with a decision. It’s up to you and you alone to decide your moment.
Even 20 seconds can make an impact in our lives. We better take care of every moment.