Tears and Understanding

I have only heard it a couple of times, that some days you’ll just wake up and want to cry. Today’s the first for me.  Maybe a part of it is because of the weather; the cold wind could be bringing such weird emotions.  I have been frustrated the past months about academics, with all the pressure that’s surfacing around the air.  I got over it, or so I thought, during the holidays.  I was able to take a step back and just relax for a while.  During those times I was able to reflect of what I’ve been doing lately, both in the academics and my involvements in school.  Having listed in my head those realizations, I have found things I am proud of, while there are some that I just need to move on from.  That was my thought a month ago, before school started the second semester.

Now I am here, back to step 1.  Confronting my down sides and enumerating my faults.  I didn’t know I could be so frustrating.  I woke up this morning and just felt like I needed to cry. I attended my only class for the day and we were dismissed an hour earlier. I found the chance to quickly run the errands for the activity we’re holding for tomorrow.  I was still feeling down so I just decided to attend the 12 noon mass in our school chapel, and also because I have the time anyway.  It’s funny because every time I go there, I always have these questions to ask to Him.  I had 10 minutes before the mass started so I wrote them, my questions. About everything I wanted an answer with.  Then the mass started.  I stopped writing and just listened, in hopes of hearing what I need to hear, whatever it may be.  And in some ways, I guess I’ve got an answer.

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Maybe He made it possible that I had an early off from class just so I could attend the mass and hear the words that I need to understand.  Today I was reminded of the things I have already learned before but forgotten, all because I’m being so hard on myself.  The thing about our frustrations in life is that we are the only answer to it.  We are the only ones capable to cure ourselves.  I wouldn’t say it’s easy.  I wouldn’t say there’s fast way to it.  But, we are and our will to change our perspective are the answer.


Chase perspective. 

Sweet Melody

Some people find comfort in music.  Some even treat it as companion; as they say, when no one else is there to listen, music makes it easier to stay quiet but still be so loud.

I believe people who are so in love with music feel all different kinds of emotions.  Because there’s so much a song can speak; the people who knows how to listen can feel everything the lyrics says.  It’s incredibly amazing how the melody expresses what the words convey.  It holds so much yet it transpires hundreds of messages to thousands of other people.

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Music.  Simple, complicated and delicate.  Like feelings and moments.  It’s ironic how some say they have hard time putting into words how they feel, and then makes music out of it.  I guess that’s the magic and beauty of it.  Songs allow you to say the things you can never say out directly.  You can story-tell as much as you want and still keep bits and pieces to yourself.  Making it way more comfortable and pleasant to hear than rants or vents or sighs.

Song.  It has no definite meaning.  It can have so much story.  It all depends on who listens to it.


Be someone’s melody and make your words be its lyrics.

Time

You can make time for the things you want in life.  No matter how difficult it may seem to find some space in your schedule, you will be able to squeeze in a few minutes for what you love.  Really.  Sometimes it’s almost impossible, but I think when you truly truly want something, you can because you will make some time.

This is what I realized for the past days.  I have been working on my thesis and I started to realize I haven’t given much time for the org which I signed up for at the start of the semester.  It’s never easy to balance things on your hands.  It’s hard to put some more food on a full plate.  But, when you take a step back and really look at what you have, you will realize you can pull down a few portions from your plate and make some space for the other things that also matter.  It’s not about priorities anymore.  It’s about what things you want to work out with. It’s about holding on to the things you don’t want to lose.  It’s about taking responsibility of the things you have to take care of.  I mean nothing’s ever easy, so why sacrifice some along the way?

Treasure all the things you want, you need in your life.  Don’t let pressure or disappointments or greed come over success and let that ruin the meaning of life.

When you start to become positive, when you start to think you are capable of juggling two or three things between your hands, you will feel even better.  Knowing that you’re there making it work instead of losing pieces of you along with the chances you choose not to take care of.

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Live while you can! 

Where Have You Been?

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Everybody says you get more cautious as you get older, more afraid of change.  But it isn’t true.  The truth is, you get bolder.  You don’t think about whether it’s dangerous, because you might not get another chance. . . There are consequences to everything.  Not just the things you do, but the things you don’t do.”

-Elise Broach, Desert Crossing

Could this be the same for all of us?  Do people get really bold as they age?

I guess this happens to people who have reserved themselves so much from the things they could have done when they were young.  It happens to people who have been working on things they never really wanted but had to do.  Life has battled with their mind, asking whether to go for what they think is right or to be where they wanna be. I couldn’t figure whether there is a right or wrong choice.

I thought that as we age, we can only regret of the things we did or didn’t do.  It never dawned on me that you can still go for something even when you think time’s over.  Truth is, there’s no timeline to anything.  It’s us that’s going to make those milestones happen. The choice to reach our dreams is not based on our age, but on our will  in making them come true. 

Where have you been? Are you where you have to be or where you wanna be? Couldn’t there be a way to be on the same side of those two? Can’t we be where we have to be and do what we want to do at the same time?  Are you happy where you have been? Answer this yes or no, my follow up question is, where will you be next?

How could there be more parts of my life magnified? Because I want in my later years to remember them as if they were only yesterday.  I want them to be clear and big in my head and drown myself to happiness.  I don’t want to get bolder only when I’m aged.  I want to explore in every chance there is.

I will figure how.